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Toni Kellers: Out on the Farm

Queen Meg, guest feline speaks


The writer, a sheep farmer in Bedminster Township, has been cat-sitting for a friend. She imagined a play, with the guest cat conversing about her guest housing arrangements and wrote the following cat comments:
Dear Grandma Toni,
Mom let me borrow this computer to tell you about myself.
First of all, I like my kibble available all the time (mom puts it away so my silly brother and sister can’t eat it).
Second, mom gives me ¼ can wet food twice a day, a.m. and p.m.
Having water around is great and I am okay sharing with others.
I sleep most of the day, but am sociable when awake.
I am very vocal when I want something like:
- I think it is meal time.
- I am in a room, the door is
closed, and I want out.
- I want some attention.
My vet’s name is Dr. Mxxxy Pxx xxxxxxxxxx
Mom’s number is xxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you so much for letting me stay with you. I will be a good house guest.

LOVE, Megan

Dear Mom,
You worry too much. I would have put this on Aunt Toni’s cell phone, which is always not always “at hand” (meow – little joke) but since I do not have thumbs that wouldn’t work anyway.
All that stuff in that the letter that you faked was superfluous, except for the vet info. She was tempted to call you re: my food (where did you ever get that chicken/beef garbage? Chicken is okay, but with beef in it? Blah) I almost starved for two days until she figured it out, She is a little slow.
I eat behind the easy chair in the guest room where you had it set up. It and the litter box are dog-proof but Shaun doesn’t seem interested –he has other stuff and he eats in the living room. We are both fast eaters and finish up about the same time, so no prob. I use the big water bowl in my sunroom (love that place – comfy couch, nice cool spot by the deck door).
What makes you think I am in a “room”? I command the entire first floor. I even take an occasional excursion up the stairs, but that weirdo up there is usually asleep in her furry cave. Not very sociable.
Shaun and I have a nice arrangement – we announce meals together and he stays off my couch. He puts on this act when I nap in my big round bed in the dining room, tho. Such a drama queen.
Can’t say as much for Grandma Toni – forces me to share the sunroom couch when she eats lunch.
Otherwise all is well. Take your time in New England, I have every thing under control here.
Regards, Queen Meg

Queen Megan, black and white cat, visitor, who identifies as a border collie. 6-8 pounds
Shaun, actual border collie resident, 50 pounds
Upstairs Weirdo, resident black cat Miss Tinkerbell, with one white paw and white belly, also identifies as a border collie, weight undisclosed at her request.