Beautiful fall foliage ushered me into the medically defined, SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. The drop in temperature produced cold hands and feet, Vitamin D3 deficiency and insomnia.
With the sun as my energy source the short days also threw my brain off center.
In the past I fortified myself with Mega Vitamin D, two portable heaters, blue lights, heavy socks, gloves, long thermal underwear and herbal teas.
Guilt set in for hating the chubby Sleepy Time Bear clad in a nightcap, flannel pajamas, and fuzzy slippers, depicted on a box of chamomile tea. He even had the nerve to hold a candle. Contrary to the label’s promise of a gentle night’s sleep, the potion kept me awake. A television advertisement, targeting the postmenopausal population, showed a bright moon shining above a contented woman nestled snugly in bed. Lunesta also kept me awake.
This fall I contemplated the options in God’s ingenious process of hibernation, eg. denning, torporing and bromating. First I decided to gather nuts and dig holes to hide them. But after I read squirrels gestate while hibernating I ditched the idea. Why not consume a bacchanal feast then curl up inside a log for a long winter’s nap?
Black bears lose weight during hibernation but I get goose bumps thinking about it. Whales settle to the floor of the sea and I would risk “the bends.” Retreating into a shell to sleep sideways in the mud could be fine for turtles. Frogs breathe through their skin. Could this process affect facial wrinkles?
Hummingbirds sleep for only one day at a time. Chipmunks lower body temperature to near freezing, wake up every few days to raise the temperature to normal then repeat. Forget this idea because my quest is for deep, REM, uninterrupted sleep.
In a final desperate search for sunlight I could fly south and stay until spring, sadly missing my flock of grandchildren. “God of Miracles,” I prayed, “How can I survive the short days of winter?” A divine Charlton Heston voice commanded, “Lobby Congress! Get a stimulus package for scientists. Create a marketable human hibernation process!”
I forgot to mention Eskimos who live inside an igloo for three months.
Carole Long lives in New Hope.
Editor’s Note: According to an Inuit website, “While igloos are no longer the common type of housing used by the Inuit, they remain culturally significant in Arctic communities. Igloos also retain practical value: some hunters and those seeking emergency shelter still use them.”
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