Parenting has been a topic for various reasons on many occasions here at Chatterbox and one of the reasons is that parenting is one of the single most important influences we have on life around the world. Other than sheer physiological impacts, how a person is parented is what makes any person who he or she is.
Parents influence children, what they do, what they believe, and how they behave. Each of those things affects every facet of that person’s life and who they are as it affects others. Whatever we all are or become affects how we interact with others and influence others, every day. It determines whether or not they are compassionate, unselfish, affectionate, or understanding as citizens and professionals, how they influence, relate to and affect others, and how they parent their children. We’ve often said that from the grocery line to the classroom, anyone can make a difference, positive or negative, every minute … any minute.
Parents have the most intense impact and, sadly, many of us don’t honor ourselves while we’re in the thick of it. If we are trying our best, kids know that, and that’s what makes earnest parenting so important.
Most of us are fast to self-criticize, forgetting what a tough job we have. We forget to credit ourselves for the effort we exert, the sacrifices we make, or the dedication we display as parents. Most of us are very fast to focus on the times we drop the ball, lose our temper and make mistakes. Full-time mothers are the quickest, for some reason, to fall victim to this self-deprecation, even as they successfully and unselfishly juggle so very much and sacrifice many personal assertions as well.
We can’t ignore the dads on this one, either. Today’s young dads, particularly, are far more hands on than most of those from even a few decades ago. They pitch in whenever and with whatever they can. Fifty years ago, my female contemporaries were just beginning to break into the work force while raising their family. Those without careers outside the home were often under-valued; many were expected to do more of the routine tasks because they were “at home” full time. Whether also working outside the home or not, devoted parents so often harried, deserve to be celebrated. It suffices to say that all parenting is a great lot of work, emotional investment, financial sacrifice, physical effort, self-deprivation … and we could go on.
I’ve had the privilege of seeing my own children in action with their children. It’s an amazing thing to watch. So many parents, providing so much, every day, even unto their own deprivation, don’t give themselves the credit they deserve. It’s an incredibly difficult, demanding, never-ending, lifelong dedication and an emotional effort every day. Many even laud the accomplishments of others, yet don’t give themselves such accolades.
Often, especially where parenting is concerned, we have a tendency to look at our failings, to examine where we crumbled. Self-improvement is fine, but our successes also are also ours to own. That’s especially important to our children, our most important successes, as well. When we’re happy with our parenting, it means we’re proud of them. If they’re doing okay it’s because we’re doing okay, and when we recognize our success we reinforce our children’s successes.
We all overuse that tired phrase, “Good job.” We say it to others, to our children, and even to other people’s children, so why do we hesitate to say it to ourselves? Eventually, watching our own adult children sacrificing to be good parents should help us recognize that as the fruit of our own dedication.
Parents giving it all it takes should be as kind to themselves as they would be to others. We all miss the mark now and then. We lose hope, energy, focus or patience. What we must remember are the challenges we rise to and the lasting effects of our daily successes, for ourselves, for those we’re dedicated to, and those who inspired us.
Until we see the long-term fruition of our work, the homemade cards and hugs are our reward, but the single greatest success parents can have is seeing our dedication to our children bearing positive results for them.
Parenting is the toughest job we never lose and life’s greatest demand. Let’s not hesitate to say to ourselves, “Good job,” because – more often than not – it is.
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