There’s an old expression that goes, “Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you.”
Here at Chatterbox we often discuss tolerance, diligence, patience, understanding, resources and solutions for many things. Solutions are good and, often, the mere method of searching for them is enough to put us back on keel or, at least, begin the soothing/healing process and keep the bear at bay. Other times, we just don’t want to find one because we not only need to vent, we really want to.
One of my dearest friends had an argument with her husband one day during which he reminded her that only a few minutes earlier, she was laughing. In a way that only she can, she answered, “A few minutes ago, I needed to be laughing; now, I need to be yelling.” She was right. We all do it, but she articulated it perfectly as well.
Venting will, almost never, represent a solution and doesn’t solve the problem by itself but, like a kettle whistling on the stove, the process does relieve some of the pressure. Those are the days that the bear gets us, even if it is only a tirade. Other days are worse with possible subsequent damage control to be addressed. Almost always, there is regret and, on some rare occasions, there will actually be catharsis, enlightenment, or change … and the angels sing.
During the process itself, however, it’s almost never a pretty sight, and none of us is ever proud when patience goes down river and we explode all over the walls. Then, we have to retrace our steps, mitigate the damage, undo the hurt we caused and endure the embarrassment we feel. Every kettle has its moments.
One of the great modifiers of feelings, the man who taught us how to deal with these very things, Mr. Rogers, sang us a song about this … “What do you do with the mad that you feel, when you feel so mad you could bite?” He made a lot of good calls.
This modest, average guy, recognized many of the emotions we feel (adults included). He was the guy who talked to kids, but we parents would listen in and also learn that feelings are real and we’re not always in control of them. When we lose our cool and throw that plate of spaghetti against the wall, we’re never proud of ourselves and, though it may be sad in many ways, there is necessary catharsis in scratching the itch we’ve been discreetly trying to tolerate. Sure, then we have to clean up the mess. Oh, well. That, too, is a necessary part of the healing, and humbling, process during which we realize that without darkness we would never recognize light.
On Oct. 21, 2021, Chatterbox talked about the perfect moments and positive images that dominate most of what gets posted on public media. It’s the reason everyone tells us to smile when we’re being immortalized in photos. We feel obligated to project a positive image of ourselves for time immemorial. Our intentions are good, but the truth is that no one’s life is always perfectly happy and, though there may be better ways to deal with the times that aren’t, sometimes the spaghetti does just hit the wall.
We each fall into a category. Most of us try our best to do our best at all times. Some of us aren’t so lucky as to be raised in an environment where that is either the example set for us, or one of the skills taught. Others among us are battling medical or psychological conditions. The world is full of situations that create the mixed bag of nuts we call humanity. Regardless of which category we fall into, the human emotional tide rises and falls for even the most disciplined among us.
When we can succeed in beating the bear, life is easier for us and everyone around us. We either maintain control, cry alone, or find positive outlets and appropriate ways to express our frustration. Regardless of what skills we perfect, all we do and practice, wish to be or become, there just are those times when we really don’t know what to do ‘with the mad that we feel when we feel so mad we could bite …” Boom … spaghetti everywhere and they happen to everyone, sometimes.
Those are the moments when the bear gets us. Here’s where I need to insert that emoji of me shrugging … or feeding the bear.
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