According to the U.S. Census, the population of the world is nearly 8 billion people. Also, according to the U.S. Census, the population of America is over 335 million. These figures include women, men and children. In this huge world population, we are all different.
Like snowflakes, no two of us are exactly alike. Few of us look exactly like anyone else except for twins, and we each think, feel, act and react uniquely, even when we are of similar mind to millions of others. Each of us is an individual with different gifts, skills, interests, peeves and triggers. We have singular mindsets and gifts, regardless of how we agree with, share interests and opinions with, or may be similar to, any others.
One of my dear friends, to whom I refer in this column often, has a set of identical twins who, she says, are totally different from each other. So, if even identical twins do not think, react, or agree on everything, none of us are going to, for sure.
Regular Chattereaders know, and I’ve stated it often, that I, sadly, have a head like a funnel. Stuff goes in, slows down a bit, and flows right out. A person of faith, I’ve pleaded with my Higher Power for a memory, but it hasn’t happened yet. Granted, some things I recall forever or easily, but those things are the exceptions that prove the rule. My waterfall of Post-It notes over my desk is an often referred to entity in my hovel of a home office. Even with that and phone alarms dinging with reminders, I may very well forget to breathe.
My husband has a steel trap memory, reads voraciously, is very cognitive and bright, and has the skill of application, meaning he looks at things from all sides. I’m the one who buys something for the second floor of the house without checking to see if it fits up the steps. Okay, so I shouldn’t shop without him, but he can’t cook, so he can’t even eat without me. Ergo: individual skill sets are necessary for survival of the group. What’s also imperative is remembering this and being respectful of one another’s strengths and weaknesses, using our words carefully and being courteous.
We’ve spoken about making permanent memories with people through the lightest of interactions. We’ve often spoken about even momentary chats with strangers and, especially, children. The slightest inclusion in a conversation and a pleasant compliment can make a person’s day, and exclusion can ruin it.
All this ties together in our awareness of our words, but this sword swings both ways. Just as we can accidentally isolate or injure others, we can be isolated or injured by others. Just as important as grace when injured, is being cautious of our own words. We all hurt others without intending to, even if we try to be aware of that possibility around every social curve in the road.
In groups, everyone is affected by inclusion. We can feel validated. Conversely, topics out of our wheelhouse can leave us at a loss for words, insecure and isolated, creating injured feelings. Sometimes, our loved ones catch the brunt of our injury. Worse, sometimes, unknowingly, they’re the source of it, but we all have these moments. We feel hurt or insulted, or we just lose our cool. As per a recent Chatterbox column, some days we get that bear ... but some days, that bear gets us.
It’s never easy to remain graceful when our dignity has been dinged – or demolished – whether accidentally or not, blatant or subtle, but how we react is the proof of our mettle. If we avoid throwing a hissy fit, even only occasionally, it’s a win – and there’s less self-admonishing to deal with later.
Either way, forgiveness is an imperative health skill, even when we are forced to forgive our self, which always seems harder than forgiving others, but not one of us is perfect; we all make mistakes. So, whether we get dinged or we ding others, it’s important to remember that it’s just us all being human.
So why do I still hear Mr. Rogers singing in the back of my head, “What do you do with the mad that you feel, when you feel so mad you could bite?”
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