Two weeks ago, we talked about doing enough, enough for our loved ones and others, and enough to put the wheels in motion for our own lives.
There’s a wonderful movie I’ve mentioned before called, “Enchanted April.” It’s lovely in every way and there are tidbits of life advice and human interaction throughout the film. In one scene, one of the four main characters, who will become lifelong friends during their adventure, reminds the other that it’s good to be independent. Another adds, “but you shouldn’t be so independent that people have no chance to be generous.”
And there it is … the tie that binds to this column.
As we spoke of the desire to help our loved ones, to show up for their lives, to be involved and, yet, maintain the balance that doesn’t smother them or photo-bomb their every snapshot, we walk a fine line. When the time comes when they are aloft on their own, and our opportunities to inject our presence into their lives and leave our signs of love upon them have decreased, we question ourselves and our actions or our hesitance thereof.
It may not sit well with us. At the same time, it may not be all on us; we read the signals and we must remember the “Enchanted April” quote. Sometimes, as children are growing, parents may be very self-sufficient at rearing them. Perhaps, our children and even grandkids may become self-sufficient sooner rather than later. Then, the need to need to help or to recruit help from others becomes less likely, including grandparents who may not want to hover but are filled with loving desire to participate. We must decide to lay low but, to remain involved, it may be necessary to interject ourselves … modestly, perhaps, but still voluntarily.
Sometimes, adult children hesitate to impede on our golden years and the quiet or activity the time may bring to us. Sometimes, we may hesitate to intrude on the busy schedules of our children with continuous invitations or offers to take them or their children here or there. Still, I’m guessing there’s a balance in there someplace that is going to be comfortable for everyone and we need to find that. Expressing our desire to be involved can help.
Life has proven to most of us that, usually, what we find is either feast or famine, or when it rains, it pours, but what may be a drought for some may well reflect the self-sufficiency and cadence of well-planned lives of others. Still, it doesn’t hurt to ask. Taking a seat behind those in the lead is fine, but that doesn’t mean we have to exit the building. Sometimes, ya just gotta ask.
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