For international adoptees, “Airplane Day” marks the start of their new family. For 17-year-old Nicole Hudack, who was adopted from South Korea by Diane and Rich Hudack, it falls on May 31.
Growing up in Hunterdon County, N.J., Nicole questioned her identity. She felt like she wasn’t allowed to identify as Korean. Then, she started listening to BTS and other K-Pop artists.
After a terrifying year of hate crimes targeting Asian-Americans, Nicole is excited to explore both sides of herself: her American nationality and her Korean ethnicity.
Discovering BTS
Diane tried to keep Nicole connected to her Korean roots by cooking Korean dishes, and signing her up for Korean lessons. However, Nicole remembers hating the lessons. She found them boring and recalls only going for the awesome muffins served at snack time.
But her disinterest in learning Korean ran deeper than just boredom. Nicole didn’t feel compelled to explore that side of her.
That was until the summer before her freshman year of high school, when she stumbled upon a BTS video during a YouTube binge. She was captivated by the song’s beat, and the music video’s choreography. (BTS also known as the Bangtan Boys, is a seven-member South Korean boy band.)
“It was cool to see a Korean band be so popular, and seeing that representation. All the artists I liked before were white. It propelled me to keep learning about Korea,” Nicole said. Not only was it entertaining, it felt like a natural way to connect with Korea.
Identity
Despite her love of BTS, connecting with her Korean side has been difficult.
“I feel like if I try to immerse myself in the culture it would be wrong because while I’m Korean, I don’t really feel Korean,” Nicole said, “To me, it’s like moving to France, living there for a few years, and then trying to identify as French.”
In addition, Nicole lives in a predominantly white area. While being grateful for the friends she’s made there, she wishes there were a larger Asian population.
One memory stands out in her mind – she recalls going to her locker one day in middle school. Two boys were talking a couple lockers down, mocking Asian accents and laughing. She remembers feeling like there was nothing she could do, and being very, very frustrated.
Hate in the Wake of Covid
Hate crimes on Asians have soared by an increase of 169% since the pandemic began (according to the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism). This has been an extremely taxing and difficult time for Asian Americans, including Nicole.
Covid-19 was misidentified as a “Chinese Virus” by the former president, causing people to vilify China, and Chinese Americans; this led to an increase in hate crimes targeting not only Chinese Americans, but Asian Americans as a whole.
Even though she lives in a rural area, and didn’t think she has been in immediate danger, she couldn’t keep the fear out as she watched horror stories on the news.
Last spring, her family took a day trip to New York City to tour colleges. She recalls thinking before they left, should I even be going to New York right now when there are so many hate crimes? Could I be a target?
Looking Forward
Now, Nicole is a senior in high school. She’s hoping to go to school for medicine and fashion. She hopes to visit Korea one day.
She is hopeful that she’ll find the right balance between genuinely embracing as well as accepting her Korean side, without feeling like she’s forcing it.
To others who may be struggling with their racial identity, Nicole says, “I hope that kids won’t have to worry about what ‘box’ they fit into. Just focus on the unique parts of yourself that make you feel whole.”
Paige Spinelli is a senior at Delaware Valley Regional High School, Frenchtown, N.J.
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